Veronica’s Story

To make babies. Nowadays that phrase has a completely different meaning.In february 2019 we decided we were ready to have children and I removed my IUD. I have three children and have had three problem free pregnancies and deliveries and couldn’t in my wildest fantasy picture us here, three years later. We’ve gone through five miscarriges, one missed abortion and still nowhere near a succesfull pregnancy.

Finally in november of 2019 I got a positive pregnancy test and we were over the moon. For two weeks. Instantly when I woke up that Friday morning I felt there was something wrong. All my pregnancy symptoms were gone. Around lunch time I started bleeding and there was no doubt in my mind - I was having a miscarrige. The day after we were both very upset and on the very same day my partner's friends told us they were pregnant. My body ached out of sadness and envy. Even though we were upset, I remember telling myself that next year we'll have a baby. Miscarriages are unfortunatley quite common and this was only a string of bad luck. Looking back I feel naive.

In the beginning of 2020 we were about to do a fertility evaluation but then Covid hit and all non urgent care was canceled. In the fall of 2020 when we still had not gotten pregnant we finally started the evaluation. We both had great results despite our age, especially me being 39 years old. We felt incredibly hopeful and I got pregnant again pretty close to a year after our last pregnancy. But when I reached the date of my expected period, it came. One month after that we had another positive pregnancy test, it felt like magic. But my period came once again, this time four days late. After our second miscarrige I suspected something wasn’t right and was reading about people with similar experiences online. When I had my third miscarriage I was completely devastated and was blaming myself and my body for being incapable. What’s wrong with me and why can’t I get pregnant?

Since we hadn’t had a successful pregnancy after two years of trying we got approved for IVF. In february of 2021 we started with stimulation and egg retrieval. Everything worked according to plan and they got out a lot of eggs, but only two of them were fertilized. We had a transfer with a two day old embryo. A couple of days later I was remitted to the hospital because of fluids in my abdomen and severe pain due to overstimulation. After our first IVF I had a weak pink line on the day of testing but I had miscarried once again. One month after our first attempt we tried again, this time with a five day old embryo, I was also on Prednisolon. Another positive pregnancy test but this time around the tests got more and more clear and I had symptoms. When I was 8 weeks pregnant we did an ultrasound and there was a heartbeat, we couldn't believe it and finally felt a bit of hope - maybe this was our turn. Every week that went by was a milestone and we couldn't wait for the next ultrasound and the KUB examination. The 6th of june, in the very beginning of week 12 I started bleeding and went to the emergency room where they did an ultrasound. The pregnancy had been terminated in week 8 and our sadness was beyond words. I had read stories about others who had similar experiences but who’s baby had survived against all odds, and I was clinging onto hope. But as soon as I saw the doctor's reaction I knew that the worst possible thing had happened to us. As if the grieving wasn’t enough you also have to deal with the blood and the pain while having a miscarriage. I went in for another appointment to make sure everything was out and had an ultrasound. From having our mind set on the next ultrasound and finally seeing our baby to having to go to the doctor to scrape out what no longer is.

During this time I had read a lot online on others who went abroad to seek help. Both me and my partner read up on Athens and felt that it was worth a shot. We booked a phone consultation with a doctor at Life Clinic who asked me about my medical history. Until then I hadn't thought that often about our first miscarrige. I had a burnout from work right before we got pregnant so my immune system probably wasn’t 100%. After the misscarrying I suddenly became allergic to our cats. I've never been allergic to anything but now all of a sudden I was itching my eyes obsessively as soon as I went near them. A couple of days before my first and second misscarrige I had had pains in my stomach in the uterus area. After our latest miscarrige we went to Athens where we felt very welcomed and took a lot of tests. This year in January we got pregnant again. I felt right from the start that this wasn't going to work out the way we hoped and even if the clinic did everything they could, week 6 ended in a miscarrige. The bleeding had started one week prior.

Three years later we are no closer to our dream. At the end of february we will continue with a self financed IVF with support from our clinic in Athens. The hope to succeed is still there, or else we wouldn’t continue, but it is not as strong as it was after our first miscarrige. The pressure of peeing on ovulation tests to see when you should have sex, take medications that affects you i different ways, planning, testing and analysing symptoms is really wearing us down. Waiting on our turn while social media is overflowing with pregnancies and newborns makes me feel like a horrible person with all the dark thoughts going through my head. After my latest miscarrige a close friend of mine told me they were pregnant, again. This time it was even harder since we had gotten pregnant around the same time.

Right now I'm afraid to plan more than one week ahead since I don't know if I will be pregnant and have a miscarrige when being away for example, even if it’s visiting close friends. Life is put on hold. To all of those who are going through this: I feel your struggles and I wish wholeheartedly that it is our turn, very very soon. <3 Thank you Bumpy for finding me and giving me an opportunity to be a part of your community <3